When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
there is glitter all over my balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
