I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
