I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
