she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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