I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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