This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
