He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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