so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
