I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
