Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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