we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
