I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
