you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Man, jail baloney is awful.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
