so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
