He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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