they need to just BURY HIM!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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