ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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