dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
