what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
