Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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