girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
