Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
