Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
