A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
