i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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