I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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