Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
