Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
