idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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