My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
