he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
