Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hippo gnu deer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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