"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
