More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
