dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
