Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
