Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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