Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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