Screwed.edu
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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