found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
