why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am spending my child support on dildos
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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