Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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