If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone came in the potted fern
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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