I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
