she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
