he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
