You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
