Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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