one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she peed on how many people?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
