I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
