I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
