Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
